Hello, old friend.
It has certainly been a while, hasn't it? Like all reunions, my first thoughts of you, as I give crude form to my stream of conscious, not unlike the way a recording needle makes scratches on the shiny, vinyl-black surface of a Gramophone record, are mostly of all the good that has happened between us. Then comes the bad, and with it, all of the pain and hate that I so inconsiderately left you stained with.
I came back, because I wanted another taste. I wanted another pull of that of that mysterious 'thing' that quenches all thirsts, but leaves me drier than ever.
It's strange isn't it? We always feel that we never have enough of it, and yet, we have no clue how to use what little we have of it.
Freedom is a choice. They say that it is a birthright, but I wouldn't go that far. It's definitely something that we all wish that we had, and yet, it is also something that we shrink away from, for some very inexplicable reasons.
Lack of restraint often disguises itself in its place, and tragically, is all too often misconstrued by its seekers to experiencing freedom. When we let ourselves go, and give ourselves away to spontaneity, we feel a rush; a feeling that tells us that we're doing the right thing.
But are we really doing that? The easy answer would be no. But that's too blase, isn't it? Freedom isn't limited to just being able speak your mind, or to act as you emote. Freedom, ideally, should be a state of mind. I'm not completely sure what exactly I'm trying to say here. The thought, is only half-formed in my mind, but I'm convinced that to truly experience freedom, it should be when we are unaware of it.
How about something like this. I want to do something, and in the spur of the moment, I do it and hurt an unimaginable number of others in an unimaginable number of ways. So, that makes me evil, doesn't it?
Maybe. Maybe so. A thousand people could stand witness to your guilt of harming them. But in the end, the one soul that matters - the one on trial - knows that it meant no ill intent. That soul or 'entity' or whatever that encapsulates the moral self, remains unscarred, without blemish.
Then consider another scenario. I think. I ponder for hours, warring with my demons. I hurl my maker down to the earth in a fit of rage, only to put 'it' on a pedestal. a second later. Then I conclude, and tell myself, rightly, in a manner of speech that befits a man who has bet on a sure thing, that it is fine to hurt an unimaginable number of people...... in an unimaginable number of ways.
Even if the body were to survive the jury; the soul is already burning, smoldering in a quiet flame that will never go out.
Freedom,I think, as a state, should be spontaneous. When we breathe, when we think, when we sit. Our ergonomics should ooze freedom. I think it would make sense, if we were to stop thinking of other people, as 'people' and to treat them as 'entities' instead.
Maybe this sounds cold, and yes, I wouldn't be surprised if it struck one as being that way, but think of it.
No genders. No colors, No nationalities. No orientations.
No opinions? No. That would leave the world without any contrast. It would be the attributes of chaos, not freedom.
So. Freedom of the soul? The spirit?
Maybe. That does come close to encapsulating what I want to convey. I imagine myself walking in a empty plain, watched over by a white sky. I can't see the sun. But I feel. Nothing. No worry. No fear. No excitement, even.
I just, exist. Is that fine though? A pointless existence then?
Not quite. Like I've mentioned before, opinions, the semblance of a self, the indiscriminate color that such characteristics lend to the world, matter. I just wish, that we could all just stop for a minute, and just talk. As individuals inhabiting -for a while, atleast- a world that is perfect in all aspects.
And then we just communicate. It doesn't have to be words. Silence, or the thing which is not there, strikes the higher note than the shrill.
So, an existence without judgement, without malice, without envy, without hatred and remorse?
Yes. Yes, that could be it. Or, it could not. One needs to come to one's own answer, right? I feel like we're all in a gigantic, endlessly infinite examination room. With no invigilators. And no rules against copying.
We all have the same, blank sheet of paper. But, we have no idea how much the answer is worth. And we don't know how much time we have left to finish the exam either.
Well, I don't know. I do know that I haven't reached an answer though.
The fact is that a society without the evil, simply will become stagnant. I have given this some thought before; what if heaven, or rather, the divine dimension as mentioned so often across various theological texts, were to actually end this so called 'eternal struggle of good and evil', with Nike on their side?
A society that is comprised of only the good, becomes too good for it to sustain itself. And once stagnancy turns to rigidity, it may become impossible to advance a change.
So, in the end, it may be that evil needs to exist, but it also needs to take many guises and operate through many forms, so as to avoid recognition. It may be that if we were to one day recognize the face of evil, our world could end.
I realize that my posts are becoming exasperatingly broody. Perhaps it's time for a change in the mood from next week onwards?